The next chapter!

So as I said this trip has been okay. Neither horrible nor spectacular. I've spent more time than I should in rest. bars having a drink or two to take the edge off after a hard audit. And not enough time on the tracks walking and running and I truly feel it. I just don't like how I feel if I go more than two days without walking/running. But some of these days have been so long, that I've finally crashed at 2am after dinner and finishing the reports, then its back on the road again by 8 to make it to the next location. For a few of the areas even when I asked about high school running tracks or local parks there haven't been any nearby. All in all not one of my more successful trips for staying balanced.

But I'm working on it. i walked yesterday evening in Canton, OH and then this evening in Harrisburg, PA (next door to Hershey, PA). I walked for an hour this evening and feel so good....like its all going to be okay and that I'm also okay. Walking gives me time to reflect. This evening I thought about the fact that I do like to be active. I love to mountain and road bike....I miss the smell of the woods and the dirt and leaves and the wild flowers that were often found alongside the trails. I enjoy feeling the flex and extension of my muscles. I like knowing that I am strong and can take care of myself. I like to kayak and canoe, I love to hike and walk and run (sort of // at least as much as my breathing allows). That is the hardest thing about auditing. Its not the hours, or the constant delivering of bad news. Its not knowing that people hate you and that they are constantly seeking to discredit your findings thereby discrediting me. But rather its having to find new walking/running trails every day and not knowing how safe and secure those trails are that is difficult. Eating in different restraunt (or the same chain restraunt day after day)is just par for course. If only there was some way to be consistent with the walking/running I would feel so much better. Walking/running lets me clear my head after 10-14-16hours of working on audits and reports. I need to have that downtime to stay balanced and to stay healthy.

Life is about balance. One of my favorite sayings and I actually wrote it down because I didn't want to forget it is to "Live life with exuberance". That is what I want to do. I can't change the world, I can't change who I am, I can't fix my credit rating, I can't make someone love me who doesn't and for the time being I can't change my job. But even though there are many things I can't change I can still and no matter what "Live life with exuberance" and thereby have a life well lived. Its about not focusing on what you don't have but rather focusing on what your do.

What do I have? I have a fantastic circle of friends for whom I would do anything. I have a great family who although they disagree with my lifestyle, my career and my lack of sig. other in addition to driving me crazy on occassion; they still love me and no matter what they are family. I have a job that allows me to see all parts of the country, the good the bad, the important cities and points of historical significance and also the slow and quiet one horse areas that are still the Norman Rockwell pictures of the past. I also get to see the good and bad parts of the cities. Their beauty and the seediness. The afluent in their Lexus status symbol cars and the downtrodden standing on the corners. Such opportunities are things to be thankful for, and to appreciate them while they last. Someday I'll settle down, when I meet the right person. I'm completely open to meeting someone and to embarking upon that adventure but one thing I have learned "again" is that there must be respect, trust, humor and loyalty in any relationship for it to have the faintest hope of survival. Also that the interest must be recipicated in a healthy manner. The interst cannot be just for through convenience or base lust nunless that is clearly expressed at the beginning nor can it be expressed then taken away in an effort to control another person. There must be some form of purpose for any interest. If its just to be friends, then excellent. I love making new friends. If its friends with the possibility of something more, then even better. If its seomthing more right from the start, well then thats interesting also and possibly a lot of fun! But overriding it all there must be trust, respect, humor and loyalty. Without that....there is nothing.

I have discovered that I hate games. I tend to be rather blunt when it comes to relationships. If you like me, tell me. If you say you like me, then call me and talk with me. Express interest in where I am, what I am doing, how I am doing and share my life with me. I've gone the route of being the one who was the constant cheerleader, the one who asked how the other individuals day was, expressed interest, concern and offered advice concerning objects of concern....but in return I want the same respect and care shown for me. Don't just call me when you want me to cheer you up, or when you want phone sex. I'm worth more, and I know that I have so much more to offer. This time around I'm not going to settle for less than what I know is right. I don't do "when your in town call me, and when I'm in town I'll call you for a sexathons but then don't call, write or have any form of communication until the next time your in town". I guess I'm still a little old fashioned in that I do want someone who cares for me and at the end of the day gives a damn about where I am, what I've done, and how I am doing. Because I do the exact same for those people whom I care about. I want to know how my friends and sig others are doing. I care about the things they care about. I might not fully understand their interests but I'll figure it out. Because if its important enough for you to care about then its important enough for me to express and interest in it also.

So this is turning into a rather lengthy monolgue but there you have it. In a nutshell.....we all are a little crazy but that is what keeps people interesting. Everyone has their own special neurosis' and as time goes on I am figuring out what mine are and how I can deal with them.


So its now midnight, I haven't had anything to drink this evening....someone should be darn proud of me cause I really wanted a martini or a good glass of pinot grigio. And I'm going to call it a night. My alarm is set for 7am so I can go walk before heading into Hershey, PA for a day of sightseeing, sampling of divine chocolate and the 5 hour drive back to Canton, OH.

So I hope that everyone has had a fantastic weekend....and take care.