Los Angeles

Where to start….
Where am I? At this moment I’m sitting in the guest room of the Sofitel LA that has been assigned to my co-worker and I for the duration of the audit. Unfortunately my sitting here in this room means that I am still working. Yes that is correct. It is 10pm at night, I began work this morning at 8:30am, we didn’t stop for lunch and we are still going. Let me revise that statement. We broke for dinner at 6:30pm, I worked out from 7:45pm to 8:45pm and was back to the work room by 9:15pm. Thus bringing me to the point where I am at now….still at work and feeling blue.

I have my ipod tunes on and have that cool song by Keith Anderson playing. The one titled “I’ll know when I get there”. There is a line that says “I don’t know if it is worth it and I don’t know if I’m good enough but I do know that I’m giving it all I’ve got and I’ll know when I get there”. …Anyhow it’s a great song about the choices people make in pursuit of their dreams and how sometimes the sacrifices you make in pursuit of your dreams might be greater you had imagined but the rewards also can be great. See I’m working on cheering myself up…working on it, working on it, working on it.

I have to admit that LA just isn’t my scene. The hotel is beautiful, amazing, breathtaking and on and on. But on the flip side this is an atmosphere where people are judged solely on how they look and who they know. What they know is immaterial. I don’t think I’ve seen more than one person over a size 4 and it’s just disheartening. Name dropping is the pastime of choice and being polite is seen as a sign of weakness. If you thank a member of the waitstaff, the front desk staff or heaven forbid say “excuse me” when stepping around someone in the elevator you are looked up and down like you were from Mars then dismissed as inconsequential and provincial.

It’s just different I guess. The transition has been a little more difficult than I had thought it would be. This is due in part to the limited time that I have with John before he leaves for his new job in San Francisco. There just seems to be so much pressure on my understanding and knowing this information backwards and forwards before he leaves and every day it seems I turn around and either there is an exception to what I was told yesterday or I’m faced with some totally new material that I have no idea what to do with. I know deep in my heart that I can do this and I believe that I can do it well, I’m just worried about whether or not I will know it before John leaves or will I be stumbling around with egg on my face in front of people who have no tolerance for anyone outside their “circle”. I’m just so tired. I have spent so much time working on reports that are brand new to me and that I’ve only seen once before and that was in brief. Now they were handed to me as though I would know what to do with them. Part of the issue is that I hate, hate looking as though I don’t know what is going on and unfortunately this isn’t the kind of situation where I can take notes and then refer back to them as I continue to work. It’s a hit the ground running and then keep running as hard and fast as you can.

At the end of yesterday around 6:30pm I was so mentally exhausted that I certain I was a very poor dinner companion. But honestly I needed some down time more than I needed food. And for me to say that is certainly a huge admission. Cause I do love good food. Its that abrupt change from working completely independently all day, going out for dinner by myself, reading my book or the newspaper during dinner then going back and completing reports (also alone) and chit-chatting with my friends periodically throughout the evening as I so chose. Now it is like being married without any of the fringe benefits, John and I have breakfast together at 7:45-8:00am, we begin work at 8am, lunch is taken together at 1pm (if we take lunch) then dinner together at 6:30-7pm. Actually that is more time than any couple I know spends together. I’m not saying its bad and John is a great guy but it is a change of pace and for someone who is an introvert like I am it takes energy to constantly be on show for someone else. Don’t get me wrong I love to be around people but I also need that down time…..and that has been in short supply.

Well, I’ve moaned and groaned enough here to choke a horse so I’m gonna shut and get back to work for another couple of hours. But hey, don’t worry. Give me a couple of days to continue to get into the swing of things and everything will be fine. Change is not always easy but you just have to believe that it is all worth it and that it was meant to be. Which I do believe, that it was meant to be, that is. It’s a growth experience and the experience will be invaluable and I’ll have great stories about almost meeting Jamie Fox, eating at the same restaurant where Paris Hilton eats at least twice a week, sitting in a $750,000.00 chair made out of half-dollars and having lunches, yes I said lunch, that cost more than my monthly phone bill (which isn’t cheap!). So there are fantastic benefits and once the transition is done and I know what I’m doing it will be great. I just need to keep my head above water and retain all this information as I’m going along.

So wish me luck…I’m going back to work for another couple of hours….